Firsts

You know how everyone talks about the first moments in love. They talk about how sweet the first kiss is, the first time they hold hands, the first time they say I love you. They talk about how you walk on air and smile like an fool.
And you know what? Those things are all fine, but honestly, I don't like them. I want to kiss passionately with someone all while knowing that they will love me forever and stay with me til the day I die. I want to hold hands while we embark on the new journeys life has to offer us together knowing we will be there to back each other up. I want to say I am in love to that guy because I cannot imagine NOT saying it every day. I want to be grounded to the earth and trust in the one person that will guide me, support me, and be my anchor in the storm. I want to secretly smile because I know that I am with the one person who I will love with all of my being.

But first I have to go through all of the firsts in a relationship to find out if they're the person that I am supposed to be with and frankly, that scares the hell out of me. Do I even want to go through that with another guy who will unappreciate me, make me feel small, make me doubt who I am? Is it worth the risk?

Dating

Dating. It's that awkward stage between giving someone that shy glance from underneath your lashes and marriage. I don't know anyone who really loves dating. They want to date so they'll seem as if they're worth someone's time, but they would truly be happy if they didn't have to. I think people are so worried about whether or not someone likes them or when this wonderful relationship is going to end horribly with police involvement that they can't even really enjoy it.

Questions like, do they like me, like, really like me? Are they in love with me? Are they just leading me on because no one else in their right mind would ever date this person? Is this person really worth the time and effort I am putting into them? Will I regret every decision I made to be with this person? Will it turn out to be my true love? Do true loves really exist? Why doesn't my boyfriend send me flowers every day? Why do they get a good looking guy? Is this person going to turn out to be awesome or the biggest loser ever?

And the thing is, because we're so busy asking these questions we don't have time to appreciate the person we're with or the dating scene. Instead we're worried about our breath and what our hair looks like and whether or not that guy likes my boobs but I'm too embarassed to ask because that makes them think about sex and I don't necessarily want them to think about that I just want to know if they like mine and then we can move on before I realize this guy is a total creeper and I hate him and his stupid face.
Am I right people? Am I the only one that does this?

And talking on the phone....I hate it. I can't see their faces. I get so nervous. Butterflies form in my stomach and my hands sweat and shake and I usually end up saying something so stupid that it's hard to make it seem charming because I know I would think they were a loser if they said that to me and I don't want them to think I'm a loser! And what if they gave me a false number and they were too nice to tell me they didn't really like me like that? My heart starts to race and then I feel so sick that I would rather sing onstage to a thousand people than make this phone call. Then I think, oh, they should like me and I don't care what they think. Actually, yes I do but I'm lying to myself because I want to have more confidence in myself. I have more confidence than this, right? I'm going to throw up. No! I won't! I'm going to be fine. If they don't like me, screw them. I'm awesome.

That's what it's like in my mind, and it plays over and over and over. Sometimes I think arranged marriages are a great thing because then I wouldn't have to worry about this. Oh wait, that isn't such a good idea either. *sigh* Let's never speak of this again. It's too overwhelming!

End point: Dating sucks. Let's just join a big marriage site and we'll all just get told who to marry based on our likes/dislikes/beliefs and move on. Art anyone?

ART

Some days I just feel down and out about my art. I feel like it's the worst thing in the world and that I'm the most mediocre, blandest, most boring and unoriginal artist that ever tried to compete with these great artists that I see.

However, when I actually stop to think about it, thos great artists that I admire didn't become good artists until they were much older than I. I forget that I am still young and still have my whole life ahead of me to improve my art. Thing is, I also realize that some of those artists that I used to go all gaga over are not that good. They aren't bad, but they aren't as good as I thought they were. I've surpassed them. If that can happen, maybe it will continue to happen over the course of my life.

I also think that taking art classes have really improved my art because I'm forced to stretch and grow and do things that I hate, but they make me a better artist, no matter how much I complain about them. It's true, I'll never have a love for perspective but I now understand it. I still hate landscapes but now I can make better backgrounds for my subjects. It's seems like I'd never understand the human body but now they don't look all stiff or having broken bones.

And the truth is, no matter how much I sucked, I love art. I would work and work until I was the best, and I do. I've dedicated my life to this and I intend to see it through. I've found that doing what you love is still the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I don't regret a single moment of it. So those of you who feel like you suck, get out there and do it because you love it! Do it because you have the opportunity to. Do it because if you're really an artist, you'll be a success.

The One True Mate

Ah, true love....does that even exist? Why do we all look for it? Why does it seem so important? I don't know why. I think maybe it's what humans do to make procreation seem like more than the crude making of babies. Maybe it's so we'll find someone to be with when we get old so we don't die alone. Whatever it is, for some reason, we feel as if we've failed in life if we don't find that "special someone". Why is it a failure to not procreate? Do we really have to die alone if we don't find someone to have sex with? No, I think not. Failure is never making friends, never connecting with anyone in life, romantic or otherwise. So go, my friends, and make a difference in someone's life.

Random quote: "Stop molesting your friends."

TV

Well, have you all seen the newest thing to do on Facebook with your profile pic? I'm reminded today of the tv shoe I used to watch when I was a kid. I watched some really girly shows, like Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders, She-Ra, and CareBears(the original version. I be old-school). Who remembers those kinds of shows? I liked watching girls in pink kick ass and be pretty and ride pegasus all while being friends and getting the handsome prince. If only femenists from the early 20th century could know what girls would be watching on tv less than one hundred years later...I wonder if they would be proud or appalled. Probably both, I would imagine.
But I also remember watching shows my brother watched because it was what he wanted to watch, shows like the original(and best) Power Rangers, Biker Mice, and Captain Planet. People kicking butt and looking cool is what link these shows, along with a lack of good storyline. I remember thinking they were awesome, but sadly, when I grew up and watched them again, I was sadly disappointed by the storyline. Same goes for the original Pokemon shows...really bad art and acting. I also remember watching Superman, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Smurfs...everyone remembers them.

Does anyone remember watching Back to the Future cartoons? I loved them, but I think they went off the air after a few short weeks. Perhaps time travel was too much for children early in the morning. I don't know. I do remember waking up late on weekdays to watch Garfield and Friends whilst spooning sugary cereal into my mouth. I also watched Disney remakes of movies for tv shows, like The Little Mermaid and Aladdin. It was awesome. Sure, the art wasn't as good as the movie, but I rather enjoyed them.

I loved Duck Tales and Darkwing Duck. I don't know what it was about ducks, but I guess they were cool to '90's kids. Maybe that's why they made The Mighty Ducks. I didn't think they were all that mighty, but as I stated before, I liked girly shows about ponies and pink, not hocky playing ducks in Jason masks.

My mom was forced to watch those shows...and she loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles....and now I have to question why, because when I went to watch them again, it was very stupid and the plot line was very obvious. I guess the moral of the story is to never watch your favorite shows from your childhood because you'll destroy your illusion of the perfect Saturday morning. Better to leave it in the past. Remember gargoyles? Stupid. Makes me question my intelligence as a child, but I guess we've grown more sophistocated over the years.

In the end, tv shows have become the new fairytales for kids. To not have a watched a new movie is to be illiterate to our culture. Tv is the new graphic novel; movies, the new epic book. Watch out, world, here comes tv.

Home video

Home videos....those things that our parents use to capture our first moments of life. They use it to capture those first steps, first words, first awards, and family get-togethers. It helps remind us of the good times in life.
It also allows our parents to capture our stupidest moments and laugh at our humiliations for all eternity. It's nice to know that if I were to ever become famous enough to have a documentary made of my life, my parents would have that video of me flashing them or of me running into the back of the van when I was learning how to ride my bike. THAT is dignified right there.

Old pranks

Things we should do as old ladies;

1. Harrass the nurses in the nursing home(obviously).

2. Pretend to be deaf all the time

3. Eat chocolate and fart without caring

4. Do random things like dress up in leather and crash young people's rock concerts

5. Randomly talk about all the hot sex we've had so see the shocked look on our grandkid's faces

6. Tell people you are a famous celebrity and don't want the paparazzi to find you, that's why you're hiding in the bushes

7. Sleep all day, then be awake all night and play pranks on the young whippersnappers that live next door

8. Crochet skulls into doilies and decorate your house in goth style